I injured myself over the summer – a kind of slow burn, I think, that ended up looking like a terrible sprain. But there was no accident, no moment when I felt something go horribly wrong. I just woke up one day in August and noticed my left ankle hurt. It turns out I had a split tear in each of my peroneal tendons, a torn ATL, and a bone spur on my great toe that was impinging the nerve there. I scheduled the surgery for October so I could teach a class on the UT campus without hobbling around in a walking boot.
In the meantime, my plan to do a thru hike of the Caprock Canyon Trail in November was canceled, and my thru hike of the Lone Star Trail in January… also canceled.
I consoled myself with a quick camping trip to Inks Lake State Park. I was told no running or hiking, but that biking and walking (on level surfaces) was okay.
I really had a hard time with the people around me on this trip. I had such chill after the sht hike, and that chill was gone. No chill. Just doing everything I could to avoid, filter, tune out my super invasive loud campsite neighbors. It was a holiday weekend. Where did my chill go? How can I get it back? Not by going to an overcrowded party park like Inks Lake. If I had just gone out on Thursday and left by Friday at 5pm… but I powered through the weekend, put my headphones in, swam in the lake (tried not to think about how polluted it is), and did my best.
Did: made food camping list, grocery store, pack up camping gear, shower up, teach class, load car, drive to park, buy two floats, go swimming, eat dinner, stare at lake, ready Barry book, sleep in sweaty tent, made pancackes, journaled, made terrible coffee, hid out from the rain, did dishes, changed campsites at office, moved tent in the rain, went swimming at devil’s hole, went swimming in lake, made burgers, went for a walk, made frito pie, slept in sweaty tent, sex in sweaty tent in the rain, saw peter off, ate, took a long walk, ate, swam, stared at the lake, slept, packed up and left.
Noticed: I have anxiety about my health. I’m jaw clenching. I don’t feel good – dehydrated or light headed. I feel off. Torn tendons, bursitis, plantar fasciitis, bad back, inflamed cyst – why is everything falling apart? I stewed all weekend over people just invading the shit out of my space. It really seemed like a test at every turn, and I failed at every turn. I failed to either let it go, or defend myself. I just stewed. So jaw clenchingly wrong.
Saw: sandpiper, lame goose, lettuce on the ground, sullen teenager, grandparents, huge family, dad spank his kids, 7 blonde small children, pink granite veins in grey limestone, flock of geese on campsite, cute 14″ trailer with friendly lesbian couple perched outside it, 3 girls and their dog, slide from top of house to lake, peter on a float, devil’s hole.