This is my third retreat here. The first one, in 2016, I started work on my book – a graphic novel adaptation of my theatre company’s play Lipstick Traces (adapted from the book by Greil Marcus). I closed out the season in early October and it was magical – the landscape, the property, the lake, the loons, the lifestyle – waking up in a cold little cabin in all my layers (it wasn’t that cold, I’m just Texan) and making tea and drawing all day next to a picture window that overlooks the lake. Yeah. It was like that. I became friends with Liz and Thea. Liz owns the property and runs the residency program – she is living my dream of splitting her time between there and Texas. Thea is a caretaker of the property, and a life coach, and a seasoned outdoorswoman who lives in Ely. They form an amazing duo of creative energy, bliss, encouragement, excitement, and love – that’s the tone they set. These are not words that usually come tumbling out of my mouth. I’m generally not a very gushy person. And yet…
My second year, 2017, I went out in the fall again to work on the book some more. I came very close to finishing the first draft out there. I was there for only 7 days that time, but I knew the rhythm and just dove right into that lifestyle. So so productive.
This year is so different. I’m with two of my colleagues sharing a house and meals and thoughts – not the hermit lifestyle of the last two retreats. It feels really good to be here without goals, to let my mind drift and wander. There are several other artists out here who are working their asses off. We have the existential crisis house – it’s relaxed and has a lot of wine and bourbon in it.
We also threw animal cards and my throw was really helpful. I find tarot and these animal cards to be a really great way to sort my feelings and organize my thoughts. I’m not a skilled “thinker” – I find it hard to focus on a problem and think it through from beginning to end. Maybe everyone does. I either drill down too deep, or I flit around way above it. The cards filter things in a way I can take them in and sort them. The cards: make sure I’m not lying to myself, fight for myself, really know myself, don’t give my power away, see life from above it – observe the clues – circle over my life to see it, recognize the abundance I’m sitting in right now – gather up wisdom and inner knowing, watch for victim-like jealousy – it’s a plague on my soul. Untrouble my heart and soul so I have a safe space to store wisdom and caring- apply this to my fears about the future and they will vanish. Don’t hoard things that don’t serve me.
I did a few more throws myself, and then I had my coaching session with Thea.
We all three did a life-coaching session with Thea. We were all three shook. But I’m shook by my own calm. I’ve never felt this mellow – at ease with not knowing every single thing, with waiting for the answers to come.
Sustainability bubbled up as the big question in that session – my lifestyle, my body, my relationships, my interests…
I guess the things I’m hoping to hike my way toward next week are: my voice, my confidence, my physical strength / fitness, my artistic vision, my creativity – something that might boil up or well up in me – and make me want to work on it. I’m also hoping for clarity around whether I’m needed where I am.